Lawyers & Hookers Cost The Same

When my late-night client (a paralegal) followed through on his promise to way overpay me last night, I joked “you could have gotten a hooker for less. Or a lawyer for that matter.” In the taxi home, I kept myself awake and entertained by doing the math of such transactions:

Hourly Rate      Type of Lawyer           Type of Hooker
$500+                Partner                        High-end escort
$200-500          Firm associate          Mid-range call girl or dominatrix
$60-$80            District Attorney          Illegal aliens in Brighton Beach brothel
$20-30              Asst D.A.                      Lapdance at a good strip club
$10                    Law student intern     Manual service from crackhead

By the way, I’m not pulling these numbers out of nowhere. My lawyer clients like to brag about their salaries sometimes, and some of my clients have been propositioned by (or patrons of) shady ladies. Sometimes I wonder if my massage creme contains truth serum!


4 Responses

  1. Your last two posts gave me a good laugh. But I really can’t imagine doing a massage in the 3AM hour (???). How did you decide to become a masseuse after an MA in linguistics?

  2. I very rarely work at that hour – maybe once a year. Men just don’t behave after dark…but I have found that jetlag sometimes keeps their brains away from “the midnight place”. But I’ve worked on this particular client about 20x in the past 2 years, so I knew I was safe.

    I’d have to say that massage picked me rather than the other way around. In 2003, as my unemployment benefits (lost two jobs thanks to post-9/11 economy) dwindled, I started selling all of my individual skills and talents: I transcribed taped interviews, taught survival Italian, designed PowerPoint presentations, did some editing, all kinds of stuff. Massage was the one thing that clicked from all angles, so I got some decent practical training and made a go of it. It’s been 5-1/2 years so far. It may not be intellectually stimulating, but I’ve acquired some valuable street smarts (in the form of people-reading and inductive reasoning) that had been sadly lacking.

  3. You’re right, men don’t behave after dark. lol!

    That’s is great you found something that really clicks with you. I can’t wait til I find that myself : )

  4. You know, i’m noticing a theme here on your blog 😉 and i’m pretty sure that’s exactly why i’ve left like 3,001 comments here in the past 5 mins. you freakin’ crack me up!

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