Existential Meltdowns aren’t just for Cavemen

I’m trying to spare my readership some of the darkness I’m going through as a result of my hideous rent renewal offer. Seriously, it’s so depressing you’d never look up my blog again. In my mental preparations for leaving my home of 5 years, I’ve been faced with a crossroads I’ve been avoiding for lack of inspiration on what to do with the rest of my life.

Not that I don’t love what I’m doing – I’m just aware that at 38, there’s a good chance I don’t have too many years left before my body rebels. Actually, it’s already started rebelling – daily chiropractic for 6 weeks now…minimal results…appointment with neurologist and an MRI machine in the next week. Nothing too bad is going on, just some unresolved tingling in my fingers, and the vertebrae in my neck and upper back won’t stay put (I blame that 70% on boobage, 30% on work).

But really, a lot of my angst is related to fun stuff like realizing that I have little of value to offer the world. The whole trip to Africa thing…I’d love to stay for a while and have an effect, no matter how tiny, but I have no useful skill to offer the developing world – I can’t install a clean water filtration system, I can’t provide fistula surgeries, I can’t do much of anything that the locals can’t. Okay, I’m actually a certified English language teacher, but I have no talent for teaching, as it turns out. I am a piece of overeducated fluff in an overpriced apartment. And to make this just the tiniest bit about personal finance…well, I indulged my default vice of overeating. The only overspending I did was on the food.

I am so over myself.

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7 Responses

  1. Sure you have skills for Africa. Computers! Finance! You probably have tons of life skills that would be useful, you just don’t know what they are.

    So sorry you have to move. Hopefully there will be a silver lining somewhere.

    I’m SO glad I’m not a renter. One of the few good things I’ve got!

  2. I’m so sorry to hear that you’re down now. Good luck at your medical appts. next week. Re: work, since you’re self employed, can you use spare time to study/train for a Plan B career path in the event your health doesn’t allow you to continue to work as a therapist? Re: nothing to offer third-world countries? Are you kidding me? You’d be amazed what needs they have:
    http://www.peacecorps.gov/index.cfm?shell=learn.whatvol

  3. One more thing: It’s hard to snap out of the doldrums (I would know). But please be aware that you are inspirational and I hope you overcome your struggles.

  4. Don’t be down on yourself. I came across your blog a few weeks ago and it seems like you have a lot to offer. My SIL volunteered in Africa and she had no specializied skill but English language and willingness to pitch in and help. If you want to make a difference, you can!

  5. 1) Have you tried Yoga for the tingling? You’d be surprised how much yoga helps all areas of your body and makes you sleep like a baby. Buy a Yoga tape and attempt 1-2 times a day. $20 and your time. Frugal, see? It will take 2-3 weeks to see the effects and 6 months to see extremely optimal effects.

    2) Want to volunteer w/ your no skills and make a difference. Love this company GAP Adventures! I cannot wait until I can take one of their trips (sigh!)

    Enjoy!

  6. Have you considered the Peace Corps?

  7. Hey all – thanks for the constructive cheering-up!

    I’m of two minds about the kind of volunteering I qualify for – I’ll get into it in a posting later this week. I’ve often been tempted by the programs offered by Cadip, GAP, Village Volunteers, etc. As it is, any trip to Africa I take will likely involve a visit to at least one of the charities I support in the area – that would feel nice and personal 🙂

    I haven’t looked into the Peace Corps, but perhaps I should. I had an uncle do it to avoid going to Viet Nam, and his parents treated him like The Golden Boy while treating their two eldest, who saw too much combat, like dirt. But I really shouldn’t hold that against the Peace Corps!

    @MoneyFunk – That might not be such a bad idea. The only problem I foresee is that most classes (and tapes) focus on the lower body. Still, it can’t hurt, plus I have two tapes collecting dust under the TV already…

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