Welcome to my pity party

There just doesn’t seem to be any joy in being an adult these days – the only silver lining is that I have no one but myself to worry about. I’d love to just throw in the towel for a little while, but that’s not really how it works, is it.

I woke up at 6:45 this morning, unable to shut my brain up. While that waking hour may be normal for a lot of people, my sleeping “schedule” is 1-9am because of my work. Hah, my work. I haven’t done any this week. All I can do is think about how insane it is to sign a lease for ~$1800 and feel like it’s a freaking bargain. And everything I’ve seen so far says the $300 savings is not worth the sacrifice in space. I mean, do you now how hard it is to lose 50 square feet when you’re only in 500 square feet to begin with?? You start thinking “who needs a bed, I can sleep on the couch”. Fine if you’re 20, but I’m way too close to 40 for this not to seem weird, even to me. And even though I’ve slept alone for the past 9 years, I’m not ready to give up all hope that that might change at some point in the next few. In other words, I’m getting all the downside and none of the upside to this whole grown-up thing.

And I miss working. My brain needs it almost as much as my wallet. I’ve considered dropping my rates, but they’re already at the low end of average/normal – any lower and I’ll be in the range where men think I’ve left room in the pricing to offer “extras”. Being treated like a prostitute more often than not would probably make me homicidal. Oh wait, problem solved – as a convicted criminal, I’d be fed, housed and clothed for free!


10 Responses

  1. I really hope things pick up for you! Workwise and finding the apartment close to your dreams. 🙂

    Well, if there was time I was gonna say you should upload pics for PF blogger’s to give you a 2nd opinion. Hmmm…

    Enjoy today

  2. I hear ya on the space thing. I live in a house that is just under 500 SF. Gets tough in the winter when I can’t be outside to “stretch out.” Plus you may sleep on the couch occassionaly, but on a regular basis? Nope, and a futon couch is just a couch. Good luck in the search.

  3. Hope you are feeling better!

  4. Cheer up, buttercup! I always ready your blog and I like your quirkiness. You just seem to be in a funk right now. It will get better.

  5. I lived in a 450 sf apt for a year and a half and loved it. It was listed as a studio since it was small but actually was a one bedroom with laundry in my tiny basement. I was lucky to have a good layout, high ceilings and lots of light. Of course, a degree in interior design certainly didn’t hurt :).

    In a small studio, a strategically placed bookshelf can provide a separation between the ‘bedroom’ and ‘living room’ and provide a wall on one side and room for tv/books/stereo on the other. Alternately you could have an open bookshelf to allow light to pass if necessary.

    Good luck on your search! I’ve never had to look in NYC but I’ve heard stories.

  6. It’ll get better – and I hate hearing that because it doesn’t solve the immediate problem, but it will get better. You just have to make it through this.

    I know you like working for yourself and all, but have you considered looking into maybe some part-time work at a spa or something? Or even considered something outside the massage therapy profession as a part-time gig to bring in some income? I guess the other question would be if you’ve considered moving to a cheaper state to help reduce the stress of $1800 for 450 sq ft. You’re handling that better than me!

    Best of luck!

  7. Sorry you’re having a hard time. Don’t give up though. As Kristy says, have you considered some part time work? I hope you’re feeling better soon!! 🙂

  8. Oh dear. I shouldn’t have laughed but you are so funny. Yes, I lived in a studio for years but surely doubt I could do that again. I keep reading about people fleeing New York. You could get a mansion somewhere for what you’re paying for a closet.

  9. I’m sorry hon, I hope work picks up soon. That is a crazy amount of money for a little apt, it makes LA seem cheap. Is there another town/city that is more affordable and where you could make a living? Just a thought, I’m not about to leave LA despite the costs and drawbacks so I certainly understand having an attachment to place.

  10. Sending good vibes your way. I hope your clientele doesn’t completely disappear.

    BTW, my cousin’s large screen TV is also a computer monitor. Her baby’s photo is on it. He’s sitting on one of the receiving blankets you sent me. 🙂

    Karmically, your good deed is going to have a pay off. I just know it.

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