I’d like to describe my historical attitude towards where I live as “transient stability”. I like to live somewhere and build little habits specific to that location and find my place within that place. But I never think of any one place as forever.
I was looking forward to living in Boulder for 6-12 months – I really was. I thought maybe so much exposure to the hippie/alternative stuff would entice me to try new things…but instead I see a lot of flakey people with too much money or financial irresponsibility – kind of hard to tell the difference around here. I can’t seem to conjure up any respect for their lifestyle/beliefs and therefore will not be enticed to beat a drum on a hilltop during the full moon or participate in an ecstatic dance event or even pursue Hakomi (body-centered psychotherapy) because it hinges on forming a “loving bond” with your therapist (creepy!). I look at my classmates and teachers and wonder, what the hell am I doing here? My god – I handled the culture shock of living in Japan way better than I’m handling this!
I need Manhattan. I can meet the pulsing energy of the city head-on and 5 minutes later be the relaxed, attuned manual therapist my fellow city-dwellers seek. I need to be around people who don’t take themselves so seriously – and despite what you see on TV, that’s most New Yorkers. I hate holding back my sarcasm and snarkiness and self-deprecation because I’m “putting negative energy into the universe”. Well damnit – just wave some smoldering sage twigs at me like you do at all the other imperfect moments in your life and call it even.
So I will be taking on hideous rent again – about $3000 for a large 1BR or small/”flex” 2BR. Even if a landlord insists on 3 months’ deposit because I’m self-employed, I have that in the bank in addition to my $10K cushion. I’ve got my phone job up to a steady $4K/month gross even though I’m in school 36 hours a week, so I’ll be able to make my bare-bones expenses without a single Rolfing client. I will crank up the marketing machine a month before I return and continue to see a handful of massage clients that haven’t been able to find a suitable replacement for me. And I can pull all of this off even with 2 months in Africa earning very little from the phone job – I won’t be earning nothing though thanks to Skype and royalties.
All I need at this point is for the institute to let me take the course that starts 11 days after my current one ends instead of making me wait until March. Please. I want to get back to my life!