Family weekend: Damage v. Finders-Keepers

Don’t get me wrong – I love my immediate family, we’re all very different but live so spread out that it’s a real treat to catch up. However, I’m not a drink-yer-ass-off-til-3am type, and they are. Well, not my mom (usually – she makes an exception to that behavior about twice a year), but she was smart enough to take the train back to NJ before Saturday night got into full swing. Kinda wish I’d joined her.

First, I got back home way later from my housecall than expected thanks to weekend subway rerouting shenanigans. When I left my place at 6pm, I was still satiated by my stuffed french toast brunch at 11am. By 7:30pm I was ravenous and having mental conversations with my stomach to convince it not to growl while I was working. I got back to Manhattan around 9:15pm and was just about ready to eat my own arm off. Little sister, aka Starfish, was having a sushi appetizer with her boyfriend, aka Crispy because he got 3rd degree burns on his lower legs/feet 20 months ago when their apartment went up in flames (dark sense of humor runs in the family). I hate sushi, she knows this, I texted her to get the damn check and meet up for dinner. It wasn’t until I texted “If I don’t hear from you by 9:53pm, I’m getting take-out” that she actually got moving.

SIDEBAR: Restaurant Recommendation — We went to a GREAT place that I hadn’t been to since they moved to a new, larger premises – the food was my favorite kind (edgy spin on “standard” dishes, from quesadillas to pad thai), the drink menu was fun, the decor was very original and thorough, and if you ever go there – CHECK OUT THE BATHROOMS!!! It’s on 9th Avenue & 51st Street, known as Hell’s Kitchen and NYC’s current “gayborhood”. I love it. Anyway, you probably could have served me melted american cheese-like product on burnt cardboard and I’d have wolfed it down with the same gusto, but my less-hungry and very food-picky sister and her boyfriend raved – hey, they’ve worked as waiters and bartenders in several restaurants in Aspen, and they’re very critical – gave it a big fat stamp of approval. At least hunger doesn’t make me too stupid.

Damage to Liquor Cabinet:  So last night, my brother landed at my place around midnight after moving his now-exboyfriend from Baltimore to Queens. Starfish and Crispy came along 15 minutes later, and they ripped through my nearly-full liter bottle of Jack Daniels. On a frugal note, I’d picked this up in duty-free last year for $21 instead of the $35-50 it goes for here in the city. Still, if you do the math, they drank about 7oz each from 12am-2am after having 3 cocktails at VYNL — and then they went out on the town.

Damage to Apartment:  At some point last night, the flapper in the toilet tank broke. I turns out that it’s something the landlord will actually be charged for, which I’m guessing might get passed on to me. If it does and it’s more than $15, I’ll balk. Otherwise, I’ll suck it up. It was acting up for the past couple of months, it’s just normal wear and tear, and it’s the only chargeable thing that I’ve incurred in 5.5 years.

Damage to Furnishings:  The only thing I’ve come across so far is a lost airbed storage bag. That’s perfectly tolerable. In the past, I’ve had a towel bar pulled off the wall and a Lenox vase smashed.

Damage to Wallet:  $130. Dropped $80 on brunch for 4 yesterday (not bad, considering the food was excellent and there were 4 cocktails on the bill), $30 on dinner last night, and $20 for my brunch tab this morning.

FINDERS-KEEPERS:  As soon as I got everyone and their crap out of my place, I started putting my cute little apartment back together – towels in laundry basket, deflate airbed, etc – and came across a lidless deodorant (Starfish), a nearly-empty tube of Jergens Natural Glow lotion (Starfish), a Bic lighter (Crispy), a pair of sandals (Mom), a spare razor blade (Starfish), and a Fossil watch (Crispy). I like the watch. Might have to pretend it’s not here. Heh.

Oh, for fun, I let Starfish and Crispy rummage through my bags of categorized “stockpile”. I smiled sweetly and held out an open shopping bag for them to peruse the contents, announcing “Oral Hygiene department”, “First Aid aisle”, etc. She was surprisingly judicious in her selections – 3 bits of make-up, 2 deodorant, 2 dental floss, 1 Listerine, 1 shower gel, 1 box of antibiotic bandaids, Tag body spray, and a set of ProFoot Aero 3 shoe inserts (Crispy often does double shifts as a bartender). My brother wanted in on the insoles too, so next time Rite Aid does that “3 Profoot products for $15, get $10 rebate” deal again (they seem to do it every 3 months or so), I’ll snag mostly insoles instead of those Flextastic toe separators.

I also played the KTM. As anticipated, Starfish ran out of cash fairly quickly, so I got 3 checks from her in return for $200 cash (accumulated charity donation dollars – she’ll get the tax write-off).

And now they’re gone…breathe…maybe it’s MY turn for a stiff drink now that my darling little binge-drinkers are gone. Oh right, they drank my liquor cabinet dry. Maybe just a nap then.